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You may shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you will never again be foolish enough to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for several weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you'll be back for a rematch sooner or later. You cannot just let that Bandit win so quickly, can you? No way.

It is just a machine, after all, with a "brain" comprised of wires and microchips. You, alternatively, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to have any hope at all in surviving the worldwide war against machines that surely will come some day, we would better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter inside this kind of sweeping historical context and you will see that it's not simply a choice but an obligation that you should get back on the horse without delay.

Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it might be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

You may not know that the slot machine passes by different names in overseas nations. By way of example, in the United Kingdom, it really is called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the slot is called a "poker machine," which is even more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl's toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you are going to get it.)

Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or even more reels, which spin whenever a lever on the side of the machine is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the cash inserted to play. The machine typically pays off based upon patterns of symbols visible in the event the reels stop.

OK, enough for the description. Generally, onto those tips which were promised a few paragraphs ago:

Become intimately acquainted with each excellent slot online machine's payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have a couple of banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, which is where you should play.

Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for time and expense spent. Even when you don't hit the jackpot, you might still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, as well as other perks.

This should be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you may afford and only spend money you can risk losing. Seriously.

Walk away when you're losing and become irritated. Playing slot machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not much of a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it's no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.